So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
