He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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