who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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