Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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