I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
