the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
