Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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