We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
