i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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