He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
