Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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