cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
