i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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