Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
