im about as happy as oj after his trial
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I will pee on everything he values.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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