I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
