talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
