i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
