i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
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i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
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I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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