Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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