I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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