we have pet lesbian snakes
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
