I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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