I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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