Got a toothbrush?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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