drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
