he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
