piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
