I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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