you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
