I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
