Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
