oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
