she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
