I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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