he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm sobbing to NWA
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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