after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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