Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
