3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
