I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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