Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
