It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
