my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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