I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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