Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
