You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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