Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
