I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
