Sponge bath it is.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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