I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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