heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
