Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
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I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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