i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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