I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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