The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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