I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
