just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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