I wannas sexs uuuuu
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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