if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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