She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
