I'm so fucking centered right now
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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