i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
