Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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