When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the condom got lost in my hair
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
