Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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