It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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