highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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