I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
