U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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