Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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