my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
