so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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