Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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