The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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