he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
