So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I supernannyed him into submission
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
