I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
