everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
