Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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