Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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