just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
