This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
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Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
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HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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