That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
